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When it comes to relationships, you’ve probably read about attachment styles and how this can impact both you and your other half. But more recently couples are digging deeper to find out exactly what their ‘love language’ is in a bid to understand themselves a little better.
But it’s having the adverse effect for some couples with this controversial quiz leading to break ups. Oops.
The online questionnaire, known as the Love Languages test, was created by Dr. Gary Chapman who wrote the bestselling book The 5 Love Languages back in the 90s.
The test is based on the book which delves into the ways that people love and like to be loved, with love languages ranging from acts of service to receiving gifts, as well as quality time, words of affirmation or physical touch.
As we well know, we are all different when it comes to how we would like to be loved by our partner and how we show them love, so the theory is that by finding out what makes you tick romantically you can improve your relationship.
But Journalist Hussein Kesyani commented on the possibility that the test could have a negative impact on a relationship via Twitter, saying: ‘I do wonder how many relationships Love Languages as a theory has ruined because of how well it fits into a culture where all relationships are categorised, have transactional elements embedded with them, and are broadly digitally mediated and primed for mass participation.’
And it has prompted a number of responses from those who have indeed been dumped as a result, or have known friends to break up with their partners.
Writer Caspar Salmon replied: ‘I can tell you for a fact that a friend of mine ended things with someone fairly recently not long after being asked what his love language was. (Other factors may have been involved).’
Another person added: ‘This same s*** made my girl break up with me. Was doing everything possible to make her happy, just because she’s found someone new. She began saying I don’t even know her love language. The s*** was new to me and I got so confused. Like all I’ve been doing wasn’t a love language?’
One Twitter user also explained that they would be tempted to end a relationship if their love languages didn’t match, saying: ‘I’m inclined to end things with a guy if he was to say his love language is physical touch, I have a rough idea of what to expect.’
While it may seem a little extreme, dating coach Rachael Lloyd explained to Tyla that differences in love languages are a ‘clear indicator of compatibility’ as ‘you may not identify that their way of communicating affection is very different to your own’.
The eharmony relationship expert did, however, add that if your love languages are different it’s not all doom and gloom.
She said: ‘The key here is clear communication. First, think about how your partner shows up for you, and understand their love language. If it doesn’t meet your own, sit down and talk about it together. If you can understand each other’s perspective, you can seek a compromise which keeps both parties happy.’
So, now you know!